When Mother’s Day Hurts

Mother’s Day can be a day extremely painful for many who have suffered loss. I will mention a few reasons why it could have gut-punched some of us over the years.

Loss

• Miscarriage of a pregnancy.
• Abortion – by force or by choice.
• Death of one or more children.
• Death of Mother or Grandmother
• Terminal illness of mother or child.
• Loss of other mother figures.
• Loss of a grandchild.

Circumstances

• Facing infertility.
• Singleness – called to or forced.

Difficulties as a Mother

• Attachment problems with a child
• Being estranged from one or more adult children.
• Being unaccepted as a stepmother.
• Stress of being a single mother.
• Stress of being a foster or adoptive mother.
• Dementia – loss of memories of motherhood.
• Motherhood in war zones.

Bad Experiences with Mothers

• Having been abandoned by a mother.
• Growing up with a physically/mentally abusive mother.
• Being spiritually controlled and abused by a mother.
• Being unaccepted as a stepchild.
• Stress of being a foster/adoptive child.
• Controlling/abusive mother in law.

I’m sure there are many more reasons for not wanting to celebrate Mother’s Day, and every one of them is valid. It’s often painful to see the happy women all around smiling and being celebrated or celebrating while some of us are grieving and struggling as our world feels like it has stopped spinning! Or perhaps we experience twangs of pain interspersed with our celebrations. Whatever our state, I want to acknowledge the pain that God in His love has allowed into your life and mine.

Jesus came for the “broken-hearted” – not the ones whose lives were together. He promised that when we give our lives to Him, we will face much suffering, many trials and tribulations – but we are to take heart for He came to pour His love on us in our sorrows by laying down His very life for us and rising again – so promising us eternal joy! Weeping may fill our nights but He promises that joy will come in the morning. That beautiful morning when we will stand in His eternal Presence and where we will be rewarded for faithfulness to Him on earth in the midst of our sorrow and pain. He will wipe away every tear and fill our hearts with great joy, peace and hope for all eternity.

So yes, this may be a special mission of suffering on this Mother’s Day given to us by God where we get to be like purified silver radiating His image and glory even as we are in the refiner’s fire. We need a paradigm shift in our thinking from the temporary perspective of self and loss to an eternal one of God’s purposes and great rewards. It’s hard, it may even be next to impossible to bear the pain of sorrow at times on our own strength – but this is when He gives us strength through the resurrection power of the Holy Spirit. “For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all.” 2 Corinthians 4:17

And don’t assume you are alone and sink into deeper sadness – God has got many on this mission and Satan wants each one to feel isolated and defeated. You need to fight this war. Seek out the community with others who have suffered too and bear one another’s burdens as you weep, lifting each other up to God’s throne of mercy and grace. Fellowship with them. You are an undefeated warrior in the war zone of life because you fight with the armor of God with His righteous power – victory is guaranteed if you and I will only choose to see our lives as He does.

Rise up blessed one! Your God has you in the palm of His hands. He will not waste any of your pain as you sureender to Him through your tears. He loves you and only allows His eternal best for you. Let joy fill your heart through the tears! Great will be your reward! He is glorified when we choose to do the impossible – trusting Him with our pain!

And for the ones who get to easily enjoy this Mother’s Day, celebrate the ones you love and thank God for them. Rejoice for the gifts of grace God is pouring out on you in this season. Every good gift is given by Him for us to share and further His kingdom.  God has you on mission too! He calls you and me to partner with Him and love like He did. To step down from our places of rejoicing into the suffering of dear ones around us – to empathetically weep with them in their sorrow and pain. To show godly compassion and to become His hands and feet ministering to their broken hearts.

Maybe we can send flowers to the ones who have faced loss or have your children make cards for them, invite a neighbor or coworker or a church member who is hurting to lunch and celebrate them, send a gift to a hurting friend or stranger. Look around you in church and you will see the ones who are silently wiping away their tears – go pray with them, get to know them, give them a hug. Look around for who is missing from your circles – are they sick or silently grieving at home? Women are the heart of family and society, here’s a day to truly care for them – uplifting and empowering them will help society at large. Look out for the grieving men too and spend time encouraging them on this hard day.

Jesus is most glorified not in our comfort and ease, and not just in our celebrations, but in our sacrificial service to those in need. The goal of all our lives is to become more like Jesus – let’s choose it this Mother’s Day!

The Gospel is the greatest equalizer – let’s come together in love and unity this Mother’s Day!

-by Vanita Thomas